In my previous post I summarized what’s happened in my life during the past three months. My reason in starting this blog is to give a perspective of a person who was confident, passionate, and successful but somewhere along the line got knocked off of her high horse. I want to create a window where you, readers, can witness my journey in rebuilding my whole mindset, what really feels like my whole life.

I cannot begin to tell how how surreal it feels to think about the place I was at three and a half months ago and compare it to where I’m at now. I was a different person and I can’t even remember what it feels like to be her.

I hope that you can sympathize with me, relate to me, and other times- hopefully- be moved by the hope that I still have and hope to be able to add to.

So where am I now?

I’m in the town I grew up in. I never thought I’d be here again. It was a great place to grow up, but so many things happened during my adolescent years that were tragic and painful. I moved away as soon as I could; I went about two hours away for college to a bigger city. I loved it there and even thought about possibly settling down there. I would visit my hometown and feel the ghosts of my past haunting me. I never once thought that this would be the place where I would go to for healing.

It’s really funny how things come full circle. Part of what fueled my independence was my resentment towards my family. When things had gone wrong when I was in high school, I was almost always overlooked. It was mostly because the things that were happening weren’t happening directly to me; rather, they were happening to others in my family. I watched them suffer and I felt their pain. I tried to carry it, to make it better… but I never could. I worked through a lot of that on my own and felt like a stronger person for it, but still held that resentment stir up from time to time.

When things started getting rough in November, I didn’t want help from my family. They had never been there for me before. It took three months and rock bottom for me to realize that they are still my family, they love and support me, and that will never change.

So here I am, in my hometown. I never thought I’d be here again…

Advertisements