Today I had my first appointment with my new psychologist here at home.

My first thought upon meeting him was that he’s pretty old, but I countered that with the fact that he must have a lot of experience.

I think that there are a lot of lousy therapists out there and a lot of good ones. I also think that just because one therapist works for one person doesn’t mean that he or she will work for another. So I was pretty curious to see what my opinion of this guy would be.

After one session, I’m not really sure. He does seem extremely intelligent and very experienced, so that’s good.

Anyway, he politely showed me the way to his office and explained that since it was our first session, he would mainly be asking me a lot of questions that he didn’t need extremely thorough answers to. He wanted to get them out of the way.

Thus begins the endless questions that have become pretty routine for me in the past few weeks. Family history, my own physical and mental health history, what sort of self esteem do I have, am I reliant on any drugs.. so on so forth. The answers have become almost automatic.

The therapist I was seeing before I moved home was really great… but since my moods seem to change so dramatically I often felt that I wasn’t getting across to him the depth of my highs or lows. Most often when I was there I was feeling pretty stable. And I fear that the same will be true with this psychologist. And for that matter, I worry about that with everyone around me. It’s so hard to explain what it feels like when it changes so often.. yet it’s so important to try to open up to others around you.. I know that. Why is it that we so strongly desire to be understood by others?

When I left his office I was feeling pretty good. I try to enjoy those moments where I’m feeling positive, thinking clearly, and just sort of feel like “myself.” I used to automatically feel nervous when that happened because I would dread the coming swing to the low side of the spectrum. I’ve learned to take advantage of the good moods though and just appreciate them for what they are.

So… I’m not quite sure what I think of this psychologist, but I guess we’ll see in the coming weeks.

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