I want to write about someone close to me.

She’s one of the strongest people I know.

I don’t know anyone else who helps others more than she does.

I really think that she would do anything for me.

She is also one of the most patient people I know.

She’s known me my whole life.

Yet over the past couple of years I have let a lot of resentment build up against her. There were times when I was younger that she just wasn’t there for me. I’ve never been good at asking or receiving help, but I was silently crying out for it and she wasn’t there for me.. not because she didn’t care, but because I hid my pain better than the others did. She was able to justify overlooking me in order to be there for those who seemed to be a more immediate concern. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve formed my own opinions that are much different from hers, and it causes tension.

She doesn’t understand me very much and we have very different worldviews.

When she was horribly worried about me she became very overbearing and suffocating. She wouldn’t just let me come to her on my own. She tried to force herself on me, and I couldn’t let her be there for me because… well she hadn’t been when I needed her all those times when I was younger.

She works really hard and always has. She’s 55 years old and deals with one-year-olds all day at a daycare. Then she finds the strength to care for all the other people in her life.. people with problems that naturally find her because she is such a caring person and finds so much meaning in helping people that others are just plain top tired to help. People with psychological problems, people with alcohol problems, people with all kinds of problems…

And she manages to stay positive almost all the time.

And when I finally hit bottom, she was there for me in an instant.

I love her very much, and the older I get, the more I know how blessed I am to have her.

She’s my mom.