In my “former” life (see “why i started this blog” page,) I worked with kids at a before and after school program. I worked with kids of all ages, but I think my favorite kids to work with were the kindergarteners. Of everything and everybody that I left behind when I moved home, it is them that I miss most often.
They taught me a LOT. This is just one story.
It was the beginning of the school year, which is often the most challenging time for kindergarten-age teachers (as well as the end of the year when they have no patience left!!) Many of the children have no experience in a group setting. Some of them don’t know how to really sit in chairs or eat at a table. Some of them have no respect for adults. Some of them are very, very smart and test their limits to see what the teacher will put up with. Some of them just aren’t used to being away from their parents or homes for very long.
There was this boy who I’ll call Jackson. He was four years old, and he was VERY challenging to both me and the other teachers. I would arrive for my shift daily and hear about all the problems he had caused so far that day. Mainly he had a problem listening and remembering.
One day, still early in the school year, I saw Jackson do something he wasn’t supposed to do. I don’t remember what it was, but I remember that it was something I knew that he knew he shouldn’t be doing. I also knew that he had already had a rough day.
I called him over so that there weren’t any other kids around, and I very sternly started asking him why he did what he had done. I gave him a firm scolding. In fact, I think I was starting to really lose my cool. I wanted him to succeed, and the fact that he wasn’t was really frustrating me.
As I was going on my rant, Jackson started tearing up. His little lip started quivering. Now, in my day, I have made many children cry. In all honesty, in some cases when a kid cries it’s almost a relief because you feel that you’ve gotten through to them. Other times you know their tears are fake and only for pity.
In Jackson’s case, I knew that he was crying because he was frustrated with himself. I paused for a moment and thought of all the times I had seen other teachers being stern with him, scolding him, giving him consequences.
All of the sudden it became very clear to me that Jackson really was listening. I then wondered how much encouragement he had gotten… ever? I stopped my rant and told Jackson that I knew he could do better. “You’re a great kid, do you know that?” A smile on his face.
From then on, I gave Jackson encouragement every time I could. When he did make mistakes, I was gentle with him (while still making sure he understood what he did wrong.) Not only did I quickly become Jackson’s favorite teacher, but he also behaved far better when I was there.
I took grief for it sometimes. Other teachers thought he must be my favorite or that I let kids walk all over me. I didn’t really care what they thought, because both Jackson and I were happier. The truth is, different kids need different types of disciplining, different types of love. Out of the hundreds of kids I’ve worked with, Jackson will always stick out in my memory.
Sometimes things just aren’t quite as they seem. Sometime with a little re-examination, you can come to a whole different conclusion.
Have you learned any interesting lessons from seemingly unlikely places?
9 comments
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February 16, 2010 at 10:14 pm
burningtoast
My girlfriend reads your blog. She is in love with a dog named Jackson. As an autistic person, I can relate to your story very well. It’s been my whole life. Until now, that is.
February 16, 2010 at 10:22 pm
learning2live2010
What has changed about your life??
February 17, 2010 at 4:51 am
meorthethoughtofme
unfortunately, discipline usually comes froma place of anger instead of a place of love. i think children would behave better if they were shown more love. good for you for making a difference in jackson’s life!
February 17, 2010 at 9:45 am
learning2live2010
you’re absolutely right, and the thing is, kids can innately tell a lot of the time whether what you’re saying/doing comes from love. i really miss jackson and i hope that the teacher who took over from me is treating him well.
February 24, 2010 at 7:24 am
elizabethtool
Interesting person you are…and very well thought out! I don’t remember at your age being so quite level headed!!! You are self aware and the ups and downs…could be due to a great many things….but don’t look at it as just negative or as a flaw….many people have the same issues and never have the self awareness to address them leaving havoc in their wake. You are to be commended for your bravery and your ability to think outside the box is what changes the world for the better. You are a fine example for others to follow!!
In addition to the multitudes self help books there is something I am reading now which may be of interest to you. I wish I had read it when I was your age but probably being that I was way more of a mess I wouldn’t have been able to take it in. Anyway it is called HOW WE KNOW WHAT ISN’T SO by Thomas Gilovich. Not saying its the gospel but I have found it to add a certain balance to other things I read.
One of the first things that hit me in the book was the idea that because humans have such large brains we are born too early in order to make it through the birth canal and therefore suffer unusually long childhoods where we are quite vulnerable. Also pertaining to this post that you have written and figured out at such a young age….positive reinforcement for children is a far better way to teach children than discipline but that even though there is proof of this people insist that punishment is the answer. I haven’t finished the book yet but it has enabled me to stop and think about some of the beliefs or stories I continually tell myself, (mostly based on things my parents said over and over…Are you stupid?) whether they are based on fact or emotion…and then the self help books take over…WHY do I feel that way?
All about the healing….and rebuilding. You offer much inspiration!
February 24, 2010 at 7:53 am
learning2live2010
Elizabeth- thanks so much for the encouragement and advice! I may have to check out that book; the premise sounds very interesting. Do you have a blog?
February 27, 2010 at 8:23 am
auntysocial
I remember my son reading a book with the old “cuts both ways” moral dilemma. It was a scenario of a runaway train heading towards people who were tied to the rails.
The question was “If you HAD to choose, which track would you choose to send the train down and why?”
Track A will mean killing one person.
Track B will kill four.
My son thought for a minute and then said, “Track A”
– “Why that one?”
– “Well, because I wouldn’t get in as much trouble for killing one person as I would four”
Not a lot you can say to really is there?? 🙂
March 3, 2010 at 10:32 pm
floatingHead.
I love the lessons that children can teach us. It’s always incredible to me how simple life is to them. We over-complicate things as adults.
Dogs, sweaters… I can learn lessons from just about anything if I’m open minded. ;o)
March 4, 2010 at 1:20 am
learning2live2010
floatinghead- agreed! I try to remind myself quite often to just relax and stop over-complicating things.