In my last post I wrote about how I’ve definitely made some progress since being released from the hospital. I thought I would make a list of things that have helped so far… (in no particular order)

1. Blogging
-Creating this blog and writing about my experiences, getting advice and encouragement and stories from people who can relate, and reading other blogs has been very helpful. Thank you guys!

2. Rest
-The meds I’m on make me REAL sleepy. Giving my body time to rest has been helpful.

3. Writing
-Again, blogging, but also writing in my journal

4. Being open and honest with those around me
-Prior to hitting “bottom”, I had cut many ties and was pushing away almost everyone that cared about me. Although I’m still not quite comfortable enough to reestablish many of those connections, I have been very open and honest to my family (who I’m living with) and a few close friends.

5. Working out
-Not only does this naturally make me feel good, but it gives me something productive to do three-four mornings a week. Along with cardio, I do some weight training which my doctor told me would help with mood swings.

6. EATING
-Prior to hitting “bottom”, I had almost stopped eating entirely. And when I started trying to eat, I had a really hard time getting/preparing/eating the food. Sometimes I still don’t have much of an appetite, but I make sure to eat three meals a day. Before all of this happened, I NEVER had a problem with my appetite (in fact it was rather excessive at times:) )

7. Upbeat music
-I’m all about the chill/sad/emotional songs, but upbeat music can really help when I’m not feeling so great.

8. Reading
-Giving my mind a break from my own thoughts

9. Doing things for my mom
-Cleaning, doing dishes, running errands and whatnot not only make me, again, feel productive, but it also feels good to help out my mom.

10. Positive thinking
-I literally sometimes just tell the bad thoughts to go away and make up my mind to stop thinking them. Sometimes this works; other times it doesn’t. It has been extremely helpful though (essential, really.)

11. Giving myself time
-This one I struggle with. I keep thinking that my family will start pressuring me to make progress more quickly… that they’ll say I’m just being lazy. That’s just ridiculous. They KNOW I’m not lazy and never have been, and they will give me plenty of time to keep getting better and “functioning” at a higher level.

12. Medication
-Another one I struggle with, and believe me, I dragged my heals on this one. But I honestly feel that my medication has helped… but I will write a whole post on that some other time.

13. My stay in the hospital
-I really didn’t want to go into the hospital. It was something that others encouraged me to do and I finally did out of desperation (and fear, really.) It ended up being really good for me, but again, I’ll write more on that another time.

14. My family
-The most important. I’ve had a lot of issues with my family… in fact, they were the last people I wanted help from. A lot of my own issues stem from things that happened either in or to my family. And yet… the night I hit bottom I remember lying on my bed, tears flowing from my eyes, sobs racking my body… feeling that nothing was real, everything was meaningless, what point was there? It was by far the most pain (physical or emotional) that I have ever been in. I remember desperately wishing that I had never been born. If I could have chosen to rewind time and erase my existence, I would have done it in an instant. I wanted to die, but I knew that it would hurt a lot of people… which led me to think of the people that love me, and the people that I love and didn’t want to hurt. And I thought of my family. And I thought to myself, “I still believe in love.” And I repeated that over and over. I knew that the people who loved me most, who loved me unconditionally, were my family, and I thought, “I have to let them love me.” And I repeated that over and over. And I called my mom. Later on, I decided that part of the new foundation for myself that I was going to build would be based on my family. Not on the premise that they are perfect, or that nothing bad will happen again, but on the premise that they have always loved me and always will. And for that, I am very, very blessed.

What are things that help you?

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