Sometimes a person says something that just makes you stop and think.

Saturday night I got coffee with my friend Cody. I have history with him. I dated him when I lived in Milwaukee (although he lived here.) After dating 8 months or so I broke up with him. A couple years later we dated again and again I broke it off.

Maybe it didn’t work because it was long distance… maybe it didn’t work because we were incompatible.. but honestly, I think it is something with me. See, Cody is one of those guys that girls are lucky to get. He’s one of the most genuinely nice guys I’ve ever known, and he would have done anything for me. Anyway.. that’s a story for another time.

When I was in the hospital and thinking about who I wanted to hang out with when I got out, he was one of the first people that came to mind. I’m as vulnerable as I have been for … well, maybe ever. Cody makes me feel safe, and I knew he wouldn’t judge me. There are honestly very few who I feel comfortable around at this point.

So we got coffee. I was telling him about how I’d be here at least through the summer, explaining that I really screwed myself out of a lot of things in  Milwaukee… that I’ve thrown a lot away, and that I have a lot to figure out again. He looked at me and repeated something that I had once told him: “You may have thrown away a lot, Sarah, but now you’re in the position to do whatever you want. You don’t really have any holds. You’ve told me the same thing more than once. And you have time to figure it out- what you want to do now that things have changed.”

It really made me stop and think. I have told him that before.. with envy even. Even though I was pretty happy with the way my life was going, I was still getting footloose… still unsure of how I wanted things to play out. Yet I couldn’t just drop out of school because, well, first of all I really liked it and wanted the degree, and secondly I was too much of a coward to do it.

It’s just another positive way to spin my situation. Life is not a race. I have time to figure this stuff out… and at this point, I really can go in whatever direction I decide to go in. Sometimes I really start worrying that I won’t be ready by next fall.. well, you know what? It would be okay if I wasn’t. It’s not a race. I have steady ground beneath my feet, but I still haven’t built the new “foundation” that I’ve been talking about for a while now.

It meant a lot to me that Cody said that. Partially because I really needed to hear it, but also because it shows that he cares… and that at one time my words had somewhat of an effect on him.

And, really… pretty much anyone at anytime in their lives has the freedom to choose what path they want to go down. So often we settle.. settle for our mates, for our jobs, our location, and a million other things. Sometimes it’s because it seems easier, but a lot of times it’s because we never really consider any other option… and I’m sort of being forced to. And in a sense, that is a blessing.

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