We all have them.

We carry other people’s secrets, and we carry our own.

I believe that some things are better left unsaid. Some things aren’t.

I know that there are some things about myself that would surprise certain people. Yet I often forget that there are some things about certain people that would surprise me… blow me away even.

Yesterday I realized that a ten dollar bill had been thrown away into the kitchen garbage. I started digging through, and I found two tiny vodka bottles (only about the size of a shot) and a beer bottle that had been wrapped in plastic bags and stuffed to the bottom of the garbage. I knew they were from the night before because my brother had taken out the garbage the prior afternoon.

Two drinks isn’t a big deal, but it makes me wonder because they were obviously hidden. When I was in high school I once came across my mom’s diary. Being the nosy kid that I was (I think I justified it by the fact that my mom had searched through my things and read my journal) I had to look in it. She mentioned an addiction, but didn’t say almost anything else about it.

There are a couple other questionable things I remember too.

Most likely, my mom uses alcohol as a crutch for her stress. I doubt she has more than a couple drinks at night, and I think she just feels guilty about it. It concerns me how she hides it though.

The whole thing got me thinking about secrets… especially family secrets. So often I assume I’m aware of all the information… that I have all the evidence. It just made me realize how much I really don’t know about my mom. It’s kind of a humbling thing to be honest.

It also made me think about what I will and won’t tell my kids (if I have them) someday, and not only that, but when? There are experiences I’ve had that I will want to share with them, but some things are obviously time sensitive. Obviously I wouldn’t tell my 4 year old, “Hey, your mommy was in the psych ward when she was younger.” But I would want to tell my kids that at some point.

Anyway.

I just hope that my mom talks to someone- not just about this whole addiction or alcohol issue, but about everything. Our family has gone through an incredible amount of issues in the past ten years. I just hope someone is there for her- more than I can be at this point.

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