I’ve been focused on love… which is a good thing. It’s what I’ve learned the most with all of this so far.. how important it is.

But.. I also need to find some peace concerning everything that’s happened. It’s been about three months since I moved back here. I know I’ve made amazing progress, but I’m still not there.. where I want to be.

One of my best friends from Milwaukee just had her baby. I was there when she was trying for months to get pregnant.. I was there when she was pregnant, looking at her belly and thinking how amazing it was that there was a real person in there… a person that will grow and learn and experience so much. I honestly think it’s a miracle.. two people creating a life. It’s just amazing.

So it sort of hurts that now that she actually had her baby I’m here… and uninvolved. Yet I was able to think about those things and get sad.. but there was an element of acceptance at how things are.. I didn’t feel angry. I will always be sad about the things I gave up when I fell… I was honestly tempted to just drive there tonight and visit some of the kids from work tomorrow morning. I miss them more than anything. I can’t even begin to describe it.

Sometimes peace is just realizing that although we have free will and I believe that power is very great, there are things that are just out of our control. This is how it is… and I have so many things to be thankful for. I know that.

What does peace mean to you? I am just trying to accept things.. and how they are… I have started seeing the beauty again, and that is a big step. I have a ways to go but .. it’s okay. Everything’s going to be alright. I believe that.