You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘guitar’ tag.

“All I have for the moment is a song to pass the time,
A melody to keep me from worrying
Yeah, some simple progression to keep my
Fingers busy
And words that are sure to come back to me…”

I’ve always been a really good sleeper. I’d read for a while and fall asleep… and I’d do my best to get seven or eight hours a night.

These days I don’t sleep well at all. Sometimes I wake up and feel like I didn’t sleep at all. A lot of times I just plain can’t sleep.

“So there still is hope,
Yes I can be healed
There is someone looking for what I’ve concealed
In my secret drawers, in my pockets deep,
You will find the reasons that I can’t sleep
And you will still want me…
Will you still want me?”

I’ve been doing a lot better since I wrote my last post. I still need to get my life in order and work to make more and more progress… but I’m going in the right direction.

It’s so important to look at your life, figure out what you can and can’t control, and try to make good decisions.

Good decisions…

I’ve been doing okay with that the last few months. I did make a lot of horrible decisions before I came back here though… with effects that I still feel every day.

I’m adjusting to this new way of life… learning to live again. Learning a lot about love.

It’s hard…

but still so worth it. Love.

The way you think… the way you feel… it controls so many things. I know that if I don’t BELIEVE I can get better, I won’t. I know that if I don’t fight the anxiety, the thoughts… they’ll beat me every time. Sometimes they’ll beat me even when I do fight… but I’ll keep fighting anyway.

“So hold up your fist
To the flame in the sky
To block out the light
That’s reaching for our eyes
Cause it would blind us…”

-Bright Eyes

Advertisements

Since returning to the town I grew up in, I have run into a lot of familiar faces- some that bring warmth to my heart, others that make me sort of nervous, and others that I run from as fast as I can.

Mostly, I’m just not ready to see most people yet.

On Tuesday nights I’ve been going to open mics at my favorite cafe in the world. (In fact, I’m there right now, sipping on tea and letting the sun warm me through the window.) Open Mic Night here used to be what I looked forward to throughout the week when I was in high school. I met a lot of amazing people there.

It’s been fun going again, but at least once a week someone asks me why I’m not playing. The truth is, I’m still having a really hard time picking up my guitar… and I’m not really sure why. An artist uses all feelings for inspiration whether they be happiness or sorrow, hopefulness or despair, or really anything. I’ve always been like that. My sound had sort of evolved into this acoustic folk- the overall theme being one of hope and beauty, but always interlaced with elements of sadness.

Partly, I’m just out of practice… and the last couple of weeks I get so down during the morning and early afternoon that I can’t do much other than read a book. Then at night, I’ll feel a bit better and want to go out and do something. By the time I get home it’s too late to play anything without waking someone up.

Last night as I watched people play, I really missed it. So I hope I’ll pick it up again soon. It’s a huge part of who I am. I’ve just never been one to force myself with my music.. it needs to come naturally.

Anyway, last night I ran into someone that I haven’t seen for almost four years. I actually met him and his brother at open mic. I played music with them for a few months. They introduced me to musicians like Bob Dylan and Woody Guthrie. It was really the beginning of me falling in love with folk music. That year I was a senior in high school, but I actually lived more of the typical college life that year than I have since then. We would play shows and then go back to their house on campus and just play music all night. Acoustic guitars, banjos, mandolins, harmonicas, an upright bass… it was a good time.

He told me that tonight he and his brother (who I was always closer to) are playing a show. I’m definitely going to be there.

It just reminds me that often times people walk in and out of your life.. and then walk back in just as unexpectedly. I’m really looking forward to seeing them tonight and to hearing their music.

And.. drinking a beer or two. It is St. Patrick’s Day afterall.